Holy cow! Almost two months without a single post... again! I don't like this pattern... every time I feel like I'm in a goo place and its finally "my time" to focus on me something happens. I feel like my life isn't my own. Life throws me for a loop.... or ten.
Here's where those loops have sent me over the last seven weeks...
- We had family night at the drive-in - where I made a new friend, Amy! She goes the gym where I have a membership and decided to "help" me get back in the gym... new ankle injury and all. For three weeks she pedaled next to me on a bike religously every single day of the week... even though she could easily do more challenging things. The bike is all I'm clear to do on my ankle... so that's what she did to. If I was more than two minutes late getting to our appointment with the bike she was on the phone to make sure I was en route. Absolutely what I NEEDED! The scale even started moving in the right direction! :)
- I spent the next week in "how to be a civilian" class with Mr. Husband. He is retiring about a year ahead of schedule due to some ongoing health issues. I'm more than a little bit freaked out by the whole prospect. It feels like its coming so quickly and we are far from prepared. My plan was to hit the gym a little later than normal because the class ran so late. I was so tired when we got home at night that the gym was the furthest thing from my mind. At least I was making decent food choices and packing a lunch to class... which I felt good about.
- During the week of "how to be a civilian"class my FIL was hospitalized with a bad case of the flu. By the fourth day of the class he was in the ICU and there was a Red Cross message for Mr. Husband to get home ASAP. We missed the last day of "how to be a civilian"class as I hurried to pack for an indefinite time away from home, sold my plants because there was no time to find someone to care for them on such short notice, and was blessed with a friend who was willing to take my precious puppy on a moment's notice.
- So for nearly the last three weeks... we have been on emergency leave here in the ever so lovely North Dakota. The FIL is once again considered the miracle man - surviving after they didn't hold out much hope. The doctor's determined that he had bacterial menengitis and were able to start treatment quickly enough that there is minimal brain damage. He is extremely weak, but was well enough to leave the hospital for a nursing home facility yesterday! If things continue to go well, we should be headed home on Sunday. Fingers crossed.... for many reasons.
- One of Mr. Husband's childhood friends passed away on Saturday. She was my age! They have no idea what happened... she just didn't wake up that morning. Sad no matter what... but extra emotional for the family as they were selling her mother's estate that day. Scary for me when I think of her - at my age - just gone. Life is so short. I MUST find ways to take better care of myself regardless of what life throws my direction.
- My precious puppy - not really a puppy - but I call her one still - the one I left in Washington with a friend - got really sick a few days ago. I was so scared to leave her there, but I knew bringing her along would be very difficult so I reluctantly agreed. When the vet called to say that she needed emergency surgery or would probably die... well lets just say I lost it a bit. So much emotion around here and that was the one thing more than I could deal with. All of our resources were spent to get here in an emergency.... leaving no money for expensive animal surgery. I was so heartbroken I couldn't even speak. Thank God for my Mom and good friends... my Mom took care of the financial part (we will pay her back of course), one of my best childhood friends took her the vet clinic to do the paperwork and my other friend brought my puppy for the surgery. It took some coordination but they got it done! SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL and BLESSED for these people in my life. The puppy seems to be recovering well from the surgery - they removed all her girlie bits along with two large masses - we are waiting on pathology. Praying for good news... but not really expecting it. Either way, I can't wait to get home to her!
- It hasn't been all doom and gloom here... we have a precious new baby girl in the family. My first great-niece. She was a month old yesterday. I've been getting lots of baby time and taking tons of pictures. There has also been quality time with the other nieces and nephews. Even though we had to come back for a sad reason... I'm determined to fill as much time as possible with happiness and good things. Its the only way to survive.
Back to the original question of "When will it be my time?"
I've come to the conclusion that life may never calm down enough for it to truly feel like its my time. Therefore, I must make "my moments" in the midst of a crazy, chaotic life. If that means I have to do a few sets of squats in the bathroom stall of a hospital restroom... so be it. And, yes, I did! If it means I have to do my PT exercises in an ICU waiting room... that works too. I'm pretty sure everyone else there had better things to do than watch me. Yes, I did that too! If it means that I eat alone - or in a cafeteria with strangers - so I can have salad while everyone else in the family goes to some greasy fast food restuarant... I can do that. I've learned to do a lot of things solo as a Navy wife... what's one more?!?
Much like my "book of happy" I think I'm going to make a "list of moments."
In the meantime... the "fatscapades" are a plenty!
I will try not to be such a stranger!