This was the question of the day from Young Sir on Saturday.
Saturday was the first day off I've had in what seems like forever. My Mom had been visiting with us for the past week. We were all relaxing, enjoying a lazy Saturday morning before taking her home when my phone rang. I knew with my sister-in-law's first breath that my father-in-law was gone... I'm pretty sure I would've known without her saying a word. There was just that feel to it in the silence as I answered the phone. Mr. Husband knew before I even handed him the phone.
Young Sir has had a very hard time understanding. He was concerned about coffee in heaven because he knows his Papa loves his coffee in the mornings. He knows the meaning of death and that Papa won't be there when he visits the farm anymore. He keeps telling Mr. Husband "I'm sorry about your Dad, Dad." But somehow he seems to miss that its his loss too. I guess this is another blessing and curse of Autism.
Mr. Husband is doing better than I thought he would. He says he feels empty and like a lost little boy. But at the same time he is so glad his Dad isn't suffering anymore. Watching that was soooo hard for him and he absolutely didn't ever want to see his Dad in a hospital hooked up to machines again. He was at peace with his decision not to rush home this time... and I think people have to respect that decision.
This is hitting me so much harder than I ever thought possible. I mean I've known for a long time it was coming... just a matter of time. Watching this man suffer over the last couple of years I've prayed that the suffering would end.. not in a cruel way... just its so painful to watch someone suffer in agony when you know they are tired and have fought a brave battle.
Part of why its hitting me so hard I'm sure has to do with the memories it brings back of losing my own Dad. Plus, since I didn't have a living Dad when I got married... this man became my only Dad figure... and after almost 20 years you get attached to someone.
As sad as I am... I know we are so blessed.
I was blessed with the opportunity for a "goodbye moment" with him when we were there in June. That's something I never got with my own Dad. That day, back in June, I knew in my heart that was our final goodbye... and I have treasured its significance.
We spent 24 hours planning how Mr. Husband would get home for the funeral and such. There was no way for me and Young Sir to go with him... between my new job, finances and school.
Then, in the span of 15 minutes everything changed...
A family member offered to pay for my ticket there, my boss assured me it would be okay to have someone else cover my shifts, the neighbor agreed to take care of my dog, and my Mom said Young Sir could stay with her (he doesn't want to go... says its too sad). It all came together in a way that makes me feel incredibly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.
There's so much to do before we leave... but I wanted to share with all of you since I know many of you have been there with your support and encouragement during our "emergency trips" to North Dakota over the last couple of years. That support has meant so much. <3
|The final picture of Mr. Husband and Young Sir with Papa... notice the coffee cup.|